I seem to have left my pride at pride
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
