she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
