I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
