Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize