Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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