Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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