in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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