The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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