Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
