like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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