About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
