I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
