I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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