the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
