Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
