Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
