we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
