Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
