My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
A bitchslap is in order.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize