ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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