u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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