Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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