I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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