Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize