you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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