i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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