Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
