I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
