Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
