You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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