Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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