i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
