wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
