I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
