If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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