even my farts smell like vagina
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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