if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
