Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
