im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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