I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My bed smells like the plague
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