you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
