11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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