it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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