Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
