i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
