so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize