I can tuck mytits in my pants
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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