the condom got lost in my hair
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
