even my farts smell like vagina
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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