I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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