You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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