Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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