How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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