I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
