My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
