so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
