Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
