just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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