somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
