Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
