don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
