When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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