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hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
