So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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