she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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