I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
